there was once a fine gentleman， all of whosemoveables were a boot-jack and a hair-comb： buthe had the finest false collars in the world; and it isabout one of these collars that we are now to hear astory.
It was so old， that it began to think ofmarriage; and it happened that it came to bewashed in company with a garter.
“Nay!” said the collar. “I never did see anythingso slender and so fine， so soft and so neat. May I not ask your name?”
“That I shall not tell you!” said the garter.
“Where do you live?” asked the collar.
But the garter was so bashful， so modest， and thought it was a strange question toanswer.
“You are certainly a girdle，” said the collar; “that is to say an inside girdle. I see well thatyou are both for use and ornament， my dear young lady.”
“I will thank you not to speak to me，” said the garter. “I think I have not given the leastoccasion for it.”
“Yes! When one is as handsome as you，” said the collar， “that is occasion enough.”
“Don't come so near me， I beg of you!” said the garter. “You look so much like thosemen-folks.”
“I am also a fine gentleman，” said the collar. “I have a bootjack and a hair-comb.”
But that was not true， for it was his master who had them： but he boasted.
“Don't come so near me，” said the garter： “I am not accustomed to it.”
“Prude!” exclaimed the collar; and then it was taken out of the washing-tub. It wasstarched， hung over the back of a chair in the sunshine， and was then laid on the ironing-blanket; then came the warm box-iron. “Dear lady!” said the collar. “Dear widow-lady! I feelquite hot. I am quite changed. I begin to unfold myself. You will burn a hole in me. Oh! I offeryou my hand.”
“Rag!” said the box-iron; and went proudly over the collar： for she fancied she was asteam-engine， that would go on the railroad and draw the waggons.“Rag!” said the box-iron.
the collar was a little jagged at the edge， and so came the long scissors to cut off thejagged part. “Oh!” said the collar. “You are certainly the first opera dancer. How well you canstretch your legs out! It is the most graceful performance I have ever seen. No one canimitate you.”
“I know it，” said the scissors.
“You deserve to be a baroness，” said the collar. “All that I have is a fine gentleman， aboot-jack， and a hair-comb. If I only had the barony!”
“Do you seek my hand?” said the scissors; for she was angry; and without more ado，she CUT HIM， and then he was condemned.
“I shall now be obliged to ask the hair-comb. It is surprising how well you preserve yourteeth， Miss，” said the collar. “Have you never thought of being betrothed?”
“Yes， of course! you may be sure of that，” said the hair-comb. “I AM betrothed——tothe boot-jack!”
“Betrothed!” exclaimed the collar. Now there was no other to court， and so he despisedit.
A long time passed away， then the collar came into the rag chest at the paper mill;there was a large company of rags， the fine by themselves， and the coarse by themselves，just as it should be. They all had much to say， but the collar the most; for he was a realboaster.
“I have had such an immense number of sweethearts!” said the collar. “I could not be inpeace! It is true， I was always a fine starched-up gentleman! I had both a boot-jack and ahair-comb， which I never used! You should have seen me then， you should have seen mewhen I lay down! I shall never forget MY FIRST LOVE——she was a girdle， so fine， so soft，and so charming， she threw herself into a tub of water for my sake! There was also awidow， who became glowing hot， but I left her standing till she got black again; there wasalso the first opera dancer， she gave me that cut which I now go with， she was soferocious! My own hair-comb was in love with me， she lost all her teeth from the heart-ache;yes， I have lived to see much of that sort of thing;but I am extremely sorry for the garter——I mean the girdle——that went into the water-tub. I have much on my conscience， I wantto become white paper!”