幽默小故事

幽默小故事[精选15篇]

幽默小故事1

　　有三只猎狗追赶一只土拨鼠，土拨鼠钻进了一个树洞。这个树洞只有一个出口，可不一会儿，居然从树洞里钻出了一只兔子。兔子飞快地向前跑，并爬上了另一棵大树。兔子在树上，慌忙中没站稳，掉了下来，砸晕了正仰头看的三只猎狗，最后，兔子终于逃脱了。

　　故事讲完后，犹太大亨问：“这个故事有什么问题吗?”

　　“兔子不会爬树!”一个年轻人抗议道。

　　“一只小兔子怎么可能同时砸晕三只猎狗呢?”另一个年轻人提出了这样的疑问。

　　直到再也没人能挑出毛病了，大亨才说：“还有一个问题，你们没提到，土拨鼠哪儿去了?”

　　旁敲侧击：很多人做事往往容易受干扰，常常把所有的`注意力放在半道杀出的“兔子”身上，把原始目标抛到九霄云外了。

幽默小故事2

　　楚先生想找个保姆，不过他要找的可不是一般的保姆，而是为他的鹩哥——也就是他的宠物找保姆。

　　这只鹩哥，楚先生可是花了大钱的，这还在其次，关键是这鹩哥会说三十多个国家的语言，当然会说的只是一句话：“欢迎您！”这已经十分不容易了，毕竟是一只鸟啊！尤其是那些小语种，楚先生可是花了九牛二虎之力找人录制的，花费就不用说了。

　　现在，只要楚先生站在鸟笼前用手轻轻一逗，然后说：“英语。”那只鹩哥就会用英语说：“欢迎您！”接下来是日语、俄罗斯语、西班牙语、尼泊尔语……楚先生的目标是要教会这只鹩哥用53种语言说这句话，这几乎包括了世界上的所有语种，然后申请世界吉尼斯纪录。

　　就在楚先生高歌猛进、准备把剩下的20种语言教给鹩哥的时候，公司交给他一个重要任务，去美国进口一种设备，还要带几名员工进行短期培训，时间至少一个月。

　　楚先生是独身，照顾鹩哥只好找保姆了。楚先生来到一家家政服务公司说明来意，然后说：“我可以出双倍的价钱。”家政服务公司接待的人心想：不就是给一只小鸟按时喂水、喂食、晒太阳、放录音吗？于是一口答应，这时，楚先生突然严肃起来，说：“最最重要的是这个保姆不能和鹩哥说话，一个字也不能说，如果让它学会别的话，我所花费的所有工夫就会前功尽弃。因此必须签订合同，如果发生了这样的事我会索赔的。”

　　接待的人自信地笑着说：“请先生放心，这样的事绝对不可能发生。”然后他告诉楚先生：他们公司有一位十分理想的人选，叫玉叶，是个姑娘，十年前得了一场怪病，病好了就不会说话了，确切地说，这位姑娘是个哑巴，既然是哑巴怎么会和鹩哥说话呢？

　　楚先生一听，大喜过望，当即把玉叶姑娘带回家试用了几天。玉叶年龄虽小，但做事认真、周到，她按照楚先生的吩咐，给鹩哥喂水、喂食、晒太阳，最重要的'就是让鹩哥跟着录制好的磁带用不同的语言说“欢迎您”，所有工作做得有板有眼，一丝不苟，更让楚先生放心的是小姑娘不会说话。楚先生十二分满意，当即和家政服务公司签订了合同，然后就放心地坐上飞机去了美国。

　　玉叶有个男朋友，是家政服务公司的送水工，两个人正在热恋中。开始玉叶不准男朋友来楚先生家找她，可小伙子忍耐了一段时间后就坚持不住了，玉叶告诫男朋友说，找她可以，但到了楚先生家必须装成哑巴，一句话也不准说，还逼着小伙子写了书面保证书，这才同意小伙子来。

　　一个多月时间很快就过去了，楚先生从美国回来，一进家门就直奔鹩哥。在出差的这些日子里，楚先生最牵挂的就是它，他怕鹩哥会听到什么杂音，毁了他那意义非凡的“培训”计划。楚先生来到鹩哥笼子前，见鹩哥活泼健康，十分欣喜。鹩哥看见楚先生归来，便亲热地冲着楚先生直点头。楚先生按照过去惯常的做法用手逗了一下鹩哥，然后说：“英语。”

　　鹩哥用英语说：“欢迎您！叭！”

　　楚先生愣了一下，迟疑了一会，又说：“日语。”

　　鹩哥用日语回应说：“欢迎您！叭！”

　　这一下，楚先生听得明白些了，但他还不是十分确定，于是又说：“俄罗斯语。”

　　鹩哥用俄罗斯语说：“欢迎您！叭！”

　　楚先生的脸顿时拉长了，“嗡”一声，头也大了好几圈：这“叭”是什么声音呢？他当然想不到——这是玉叶的男朋友每次来后两人亲吻时发出的声音！

　　楚先生的培训计划又得从头开始了……

幽默小故事3

　　情人节这天，阿琳一早就收到了快递：是老公送的一大束鲜花！这么一大捧花，得找个大点的瓶子。阿琳找了半天，在杂物间不起眼的角落找到一个老花瓶，大小正好。

　　清理花瓶时，阿琳发现瓶子底部好像塞着什么东西。她把手伸进瓶底，费劲地掏出来一看，是一个塑料袋。阿琳打开一看，惊讶地发现：那是当年情敌小丽的照片，还有小丽写给老公的情书。

　　阿琳生气了：结婚十年，他还藏着过去恋人的'信物！等她平静下来，转念一想——小丽几年前难产去世了，老公怀念小丽，说明他是重感情的人。让老公保留一块私人感情的“自留地”，又有何妨？

　　阿琳调整好心态，将情书、照片原样包好，装进密封袋，放入瓶底，再灌上清水，将鲜花精心插上。

　　晚上，老公下班回家，一眼就看到自己送的鲜花，满心欢喜。但他看到那旧花瓶，一下子呆住了。

　　阿琳说：“我要去楼下买盐。”她便转身出了门。一会儿工夫，阿琳回来了，她发现桌上有些没擦干净的水渍，老公衣袖也有点湿。她会心一笑。

　　从此，老公经常会为阿琳带回鲜花，家里充满着欢声笑语……

　　再亲密的夫妻，也要为对方保留一些空间，不要让二人的关系密不透风，也许是经营一段良好婚姻的秘诀之一！

幽默小故事4

　　我的孩子要结婚了，按农村惯例，要提前请村上的厨师拉菜单子。下面就一起和小编看看以下的幽默故事吧!

　　所谓的拉菜单子，就是叫说自家的兄弟们，让厨师写写用什么菜用多少，在一块儿吃喝一顿。当时，我只顾着招呼，并没有在意菜单子上到底写的什么。

　　请厨师在早，要早请，尤其是如腊月这样的结婚的黄金时段，可别喝别家发生冲突，到时找不到厨师临时抓瞎。结婚时间临近，就要张罗着买菜了。我拿出菜单子，打算分两下里买，一是在家里集市上买，二是去城里批一部分。我比着菜单子抄写，那些是去城里买的。抄写下来，也没有仔细核对一遍，就交给了同族的'兄弟们买去了。

　　回来后，他们说：“怎么还有个花椒王啊?”我也不知道啊，我只是照抄的菜单子，拿出菜单子一看，我傻眼了，原来是“花椒面2两”，我写成了“花椒王2斤”。一个兄弟说：“我说这厨师怎么弄出个花椒王来啊，没听说过。”我也笑了，说：“那么，卖花椒的人怎么说?有花椒王吗?”那个兄弟说：“人家也能。他说有。从那一边拿过来一些，说：这就是花椒王。我说：看不出什么区别来 呀。他说：回去你们厨师一使就使出来了，不一样的。花椒20元一斤，花椒王38元一斤。”我们大家哈哈大笑了一顿。

　　后来，同族的两个兄弟们娶儿媳妇请厨师拉菜单子时，把我也喊去了。那个兄弟还打趣厨师哩：“别写花椒王啊。”厨师说：“那不能怪我，我写的书花椒面，是小利抄错了。后来没花椒面，又现轧的。你别说，那些花椒真好用，看来真好点。”

幽默小故事5

　　胡适的“胡说”

　　中国现代著名学者胡适是属兔子的，他的夫人江冬秀是属老虎的，胡适常开玩笑说：“兔子怕老虎。”当时就流传了胡适怕老婆的笑话。

　　有一次，巴黎的朋友寄给胡适十几个法国的古铜币，因钱有“PTT”三个宇母，读起来谐音正巧为怕太太”。胡适与几个怕太太的朋友开玩笑说：“假如成立一个怕太太协会’，这些铜币正好用来做会员的证章。”

　　胡适经常到大学里去讲演。有一次，在某大学，讲演中他常引用

　　孔子、孟子、孙中山先生的`话。引用时，他就在黑板上写：“孔说”，“孟说”，“孙说”。

　　最后，他发现自己的意见时，竟引起了哄堂大笑，原来他写的是：“胡说”。

幽默小故事6

　　1、成功并不像你想像的那么难并不是因为事情难我们不敢做，而是因为我们不敢做事情才难的。

　　1965年，一位韩国留学生到剑桥大学主修心理学。在喝下午茶的时候，他常到学校的咖啡厅或茶座去听一些成功人士聊天。这些成功人士包括了诺贝尔奖获得者，某一些领域的学术权威者和一些创造了经济神话的牛人，这些人幽默风趣，举重若轻，把自己的成功都看得非常自然和顺理成章。时间长了，他发现，在国内时，他被一些成功人士给欺骗了。那些人为了让正在创业的人知难而退，普遍都把自己的创业艰辛夸大了，也就是说，他们在用自己的成功经历吓唬那些还没有取得成功的人，保证自身的利益不被瓜分。

　　作为心理系的学生，他认为很有必要对韩国成功人士的心态加以研究。1970年，他把《成功并不像你想像的那么难》作为毕业论文，提交给现代经济心理学的创始人威尔布雷登教授。布雷登教授读后，大为惊喜，他认为这是个新发现，这种现象虽然在东方甚至在世界各地普遍存在，但此前还没有一个人大胆地提出来并加以研究。惊喜之余，他写信给他的剑桥校友——当时正坐在韩国政坛第一把交椅上的人——朴正熙。他在信中说，“我不敢说这部着作对你有多大的帮助，但我敢肯定它比你的任何一个政令都能产生震动。”

　　后来这本书果然伴随着韩国的经济起飞了。这本书鼓舞了许多人，因为他们从一个新的角度告诉人们，成功与“劳其筋骨，饿其体肤”、“三更灯火五更鸡”、“头悬梁，锥刺股”没有必然的联系。只要你对某一事业感兴趣，长久地坚持下去就会成功，因为上帝赋予你的时间和智慧够你圆满做完一件事情。后来，这位青年也获得了成功，他成了韩国泛业汽车公司的总裁。

　　2、阴影是条纸龙人生中，究竟会对你产生怎样的影响，最终决定权在你手中。

　　祖父用纸给我做过一条长龙。长龙腹腔的.空隙仅仅只能容纳几只蝗虫，投放进去，它们都在里面死了，无一幸免!祖父说：“蝗虫性子太躁，除了挣扎，它们没想过用嘴巴去咬破长龙，也不知道一直向前可以从另一端爬出来。因而，尽管它有铁钳般的嘴壳和锯齿一般的大腿，也无济于事。“当祖父把几只同样大小的青虫从龙头放进去，然后关上龙头，奇迹出现了：仅仅几分钟，小青虫们就一一地从龙尾爬了出来。

　　3、飞翔的蜘蛛信念是一种无坚不催的力量，当你坚信自己能成功时，你必能成功。

　　一天，我发现，一只黑蜘蛛在后院的两檐之间结了一张很大的网。难道蜘蛛会飞?要不，从这个檐头到那个檐头，中间有一丈余宽，第一根线是怎么拉过去的?后来，我发现蜘蛛走了许多弯路——从一个檐头起，打结，顺墙而下，一步一步向前爬，小心翼翼，翘起尾部，不让丝沾到地面的沙石或别的物体上，走过空地，再爬上对面的檐头，高度差不多了，再把丝收紧，以后也是如此。

幽默小故事7

　　c Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”

　　At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.

幽默小故事8

　　曾经有个笑话让我笑了很久，以至于我逢人便讲。情节是这样的：一只小蜗牛在地上缓缓前行，一只乌龟路过，看到它费力的样子，就说：“上来，我驮你一程。”小蜗牛爬到了乌龟的背上，上面还有只蚯蚓，它自豪地提醒着蜗牛：“坐稳喽，它爬得可快了。”一想起这笑话，我脑海中便浮现出小乌龟憨态可掬的样子，小蚯蚓充满崇拜的神情及小蜗牛感恩涕零的眼神，我便忍俊不禁。

　　我本来只是当作笑话讲给别人听，可没想到却引来一番评论，有人说小乌龟自不量力，自己爬得不快，还去帮别人。还有人嘲笑蚯蚓没见过世面，居然更有人说蜗牛糊涂，想快行却找错了靠山。我哭笑不得，一个想让大家开心的`笑话却招来非议。倒是有一个人的评论激起了我心灵深处的共鸣：“乌龟是慢，但在蜗牛和蚯蚓的眼里，它是快的，帮助不如自己的人，帮助需要帮助的人，无论帮助多少都是可爱。”

　　一席话惊醒梦中人，我这才深刻体会到这则笑话的真正含义：受人恩惠，不想多少；助人臂力，莫谈大小。伸手去拉一把需要我们一臂之力的人，帮助需要我们帮助的人。善虽小，却也要为；忙虽不大，但也要去帮。

　　见人有难，助人一臂之力，是善，亦是爱。帮助弱者，哪怕为他做一件小事，也是善良。善虽小，亦为之，你就是内心充满爱的人，也是一个可爱的人。

幽默小故事9

跳 槽

　　A对B说：“我要离开这个公司。我恨这个公司!”

　　B建议道：“我举双手赞成你报复! 破公司一定要给它点颜色看看。不过你现在离开，还不是最好的时机。”

　　A问：??? B说：“如果你现在走，公司的损失并不大。你应该趁着在公司的机会，拼命去为自己拉一些客户，成为公司独挡一面的人物，然后带着这些客户突然离开公司，公司才会受到重大损失，非常被动。” A觉得B说的非常在理。于是努力工作，事遂所愿，半年多的努力工作后，他有了许多的忠实客户。

　　再见面时B问A：现在是时机了，要跳赶快行动哦!

　　A淡然笑道：老总跟我长谈过，准备升我做总经理助理，我暂时没有离开的打算了。

　　其实这也正是B的初衷。

　　【幽默励志小故事的启示】一个人的工作，永远只是为自己的'简历。只有付出大于得到， 让老板真正看到你的能力大于位置，才会给你更多的机会替他创造更多利润。

幽默小故事10

　　1. A second

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says: "In a second"一秒钟

　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。他问："主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少？""一便士"上帝回答,男子又问："那一百万年呢？"上帝说："一秒钟"。最后男子请求道："上帝,我能得到一便士吗？"上帝回答："过一秒钟"

　　2.Cat and Mice Mrs. Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top." What's in your box?" asked the friend."A cat," answered Mrs. Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them.""But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend."So is the cat," whispered Mrs. Brown.

　　猫和老鼠

　　布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友,她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。"盒子里装的是什么？"朋友问道。"一只小猫"布朗夫人回答说,"你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠,我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。""可老鼠都是假想的呀。"朋友说。"小猫也是假想的。"布朗夫人小声说道。

　　3.The Broom Seller and the Barber

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it."Two pence," said the man."No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave."A penny." said the barber."I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."

　　卖扫帚的人和理发师

　　一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面。理发师向他买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱。卖扫帚的人说："两便士""不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士,如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去。"卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱。卖扫帚的人说："我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上。"

　　4.Weigh your son

　　An irritated woman burst into the baker's shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Madam, I suggest you weigh your son."

　　称一称您的儿子

　　一个女人怒气冲冲的闯进面包店,说："今早上我让我儿子买了2磅的饼干,但是当我称它们的时候却只有一磅了。我觉得你的称有问题"。面包师镇定的看了看女人,说："女士,我觉得您该回去称一称您的儿子。"

　　5.Infected ?

　　"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

　　"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

　　"孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？"

　　"没有,老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。"

　　6.Seeing a dentist

　　"I'm sorry,Madam,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth ."

　　"Twenty dollars! Why,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!"

　　"Yes,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office ."

　　"对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。"

　　"20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。"

　　"是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。"

　　7.Elevator A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"

　　一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼,看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上,有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿,门开了,电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

　　乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛,慢吞吞地说："我应该把我的老婆带来!"

　　8.An excellent choice

　　A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。

　　Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"

　　To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"

　　最佳选择

　　一位妇女到一家帽子店买帽子。她很挑剔,用了很长时间才选好了一顶。

　　已经忍耐到极限的售货员害怕她再改变主意,便恭维她："你做了极好的选择,夫人。你戴上这顶帽子看上去起码年轻十岁！"

　　但令他沮丧的是,这位女士马上摘下了她的帽子说："我不想要一顶摘下来便使我立刻显得老十岁的帽子。多拿一些帽子给我看看！"

　　9.The cheese The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled,put the cheese into his mouth and then said:"You must have better eyes than your mother,sonny.Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap,sir,"replied the boy.

　　奶酪

　　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里.客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说："孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?" "在捕鼠夹上,先生."那小男孩说.

　　10. Jim's History Examination

　　Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?

　　Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.吉姆的历史考试

　　舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？

　　母亲：唉,糟透了。可话又说回来,这也不能怪他。嗨,他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

　　11.A good box of matches

　　Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,"Did you buy a good box of matches?" "Yes,Mum."Tommy replied,"I have tried them all."

　　一盒小火柴

　　妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴.汤米回来后,妈妈问他,"你买的是好用的火柴吗?"

　　"是的,妈妈."汤米回答,"我把它们都试过了."

　　12. Kangaroos and the Cage

　　One day the staff members of a zoo called a meeting to discuss the problem--how to deal with the kangaroos that were found out of the cage. They came to the conclusion that the cage was placed too low and decided to raise it from one to two meters high. But the next day the kangaroos were still at large and they again raised the cage to three meters. Quite beyond their expectation the next morning they saw the kangaroos still free to go about. They were alarmed and determined to go to all the length by raising the cage to the height of ten meters. Later a giraffe, while chatting with some kangaroos, asked them, "Do you think they will go on raising your cage?" "Hard to say," said a kangaroo, "if they continue forgetting to fasten the cage door."

　　袋鼠与笼子

　　有一天,动物园的管理员们发现袋鼠从笼子里跑出来了,于是开会讨论,一致认为是笼子的高度过低,所以他们决定将笼子的高度由原来的1米加高到2米。结果第二天他们发现,袋鼠还是跑到外面来,所以他们又决定再将高度加高到3米。

　　没想到隔天居然又看到袋鼠全跑到外面,于是管理员们大为紧张,决定一不做二不休,将笼子的高度加高到10米。

　　一天,长颈鹿和几只袋鼠在闲聊,"你们看,这些人会不会再继续加高你们的笼子?"长颈鹿问。

　　"很难说。"袋鼠说,"如果他们再继续忘记关门的话!"

　　13. The Wind And The Sun

　　One day the wind said to the sun, "Look at that man walking along the road. I can get his cloak off more quickly than you can." "We will see about that," said the sun. "I will let you try first." So the wind tried to make the man take off his cloak. He blew and blew, but the man only pulled his cloak more closely around himself. "I give up," said the wind at last. "I cannot get his cloak off." Then the sun tried. He shone as hard as he could. The man soon became hot and took off his cloak.风和太阳

　　有一天风跟太阳说: "看看那个沿着路上走的人.我可以比你快让他把披风脱下来.

　　"我们等着看吧,"太阳说, "我让你先试.

　　因此风尝试让那个人把披风脱下来.他用力地吹,可是那个人把披风拉得更紧.

　　"我放弃了,"风最后说, "我无法让他把披风脱下来."然后由太阳试试看.他尽可能地晒他.不久,那个人很热就把披风脱下来了. 14.The Thirsty Pigeon

　　A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders. Zeal should not outrun discretion.

　　口渴的鸽子

　　有只鸽子口渴得很难受,看见画板上画着一个水瓶,以为是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飞过去,不料一头碰撞在画板上,折断了翅膀,摔在地上,被人轻易地捉住了。

　　这是说,有些人想急于得到所需的东西,一时冲动,草率从事,就会身遭不幸。

　　15.The Raven and the Swan

　　A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished. Change of habit cannot alter Nature.

　　乌鸦和天鹅

　　乌鸦非常羡慕天鹅洁白的羽毛。他猜想天鹅一定是经常洗澡,羽毛才变得如此洁白无瑕。于是,他毅然离开了他赖以生存的祭坛,来到江湖边。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛,不但一点都没洗白,反而因缺少食物饥饿而死。

　　这故事是说,人的本性不会随着生活方式的改变而改变。

　　16.The Goat and the Goatherd

　　A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I am silent." Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.

　　山羊与牧羊人

　　很多山羊被牧羊人赶到羊圈里。有一只山羊不知在吃什么好东西,单独落在后面。牧羊人拿起一块石头扔了过去,正巧打断了山羊的一只角。牧羊人吓得请求山羊不要告诉主人,山羊说："即使我不说,又怎能隐瞒下去呢？我的角已断了,这是十分明显的事实。

　　17. Second language A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

　　一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步,突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

　　母老鼠向着猫叫道："汪,汪,汪",猫听了非常害怕,拼命跑走了。

　　母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说："现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。

　　18. Good use of cry哭的妙用

　　The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them"you'll have to go out if your son cries .But we'll refund you the tickets. " About half an hour later, the husband asked his wife." What do you think of the film?" "I've never seen such a boring film."His wife answered

　　"It's not worth seeing.I don't think much of it either." The husband said,"Wake the child up and let him cry."

　　对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时,服务员对他们说:"如如果你们的

　　儿子哭了,你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。"大约半个小时以后,丈夫对

　　妻子说:"你觉得这电影怎么样?"我从没看过这么没劲的电影。"妻子回答说,"真不

　　值得看。""我也不喜欢看。"丈夫说:"叫醒他,让他哭。"

　　19. What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

　　A newly married woman was sitting on a chair.,looking vexed, when her husband came Home."What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"the husband asked. The woman replied,I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and burned a hole in your trousers. And the man said "That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same" "Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair" the wife responded.有一个刚结婚的太太,坐在椅子那边,看起来很懊恼,她先生回家看到她这个样

　　子,就问:嗨,你怎么啦?为什么看起来这么懊恼呢?＇太太说:很抱歉,你那件新

　　做的西装裤被我烫坏了,烫成一个洞了。他先生说:啊!那个没关系啦!我还有另外一件一样的裤子。她说:"是啊,还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。"

　　20.Improvement

　　One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"

　　"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."

　　进步

　　一位学生对另一位说："你的英语最近学的怎么样？"

　　"很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。"

　　21.Half or Five Tenths?

　　Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

　　Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

　　Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

　　Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

　　半个还是十分之五

　　老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？

　　杰拉得：我宁可要半个。

　　老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。

　　杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多。

　　22.There comes Tiger Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

　　One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

　　His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."老虎来了

　　两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

　　其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

　　他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

　　23 Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　醉酒

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的'年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

　　24. The Coyote and the Rabbit

　　Long ago, Coyote met Rabbit in the woods."I can run as fast as the wind."

　　Coyote bragged. "I am the fastest animal. ""I can run fast, too, "said Rabbit."let's have a race, "said Coyote. "I am faster than you. So I will win the race. " Rabbit wanted to win, but he knew Coyote ran faster. So Rabbit asked his brothers for help. "Help me take Coyote, "said Rabbit. "Then I can run win the race." The race was the next day. Rabbit said ,"I will run underground. " "That is fun. I run faster than you,"bragged Coyote."So I will win ."The race began. Coyote dashed off! Rabbit jumped into a hole. Coyote ran very fast. Then he stopped to rest. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Hello Coyote!" It was one of rabbit's brothers. But Coyote didn't know

　　that .Coyote ran faster. Then he stopped to rest. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Look at me ,Coyote!" It was another one of Rabbit's brothers. But Coyote didn't know that. Coyote ran even faster. Then he stopped to rest again. A rabbit came out of a hole ahead of him. "Here I am ,Coyote!" It was another one of Rabbit's brothers, but Coyote didn't know that. So Coyote ran. He ran as fast as the wind. Rabbit ran, too. He ran out of the last hole. Coyote saw Rabbit win the race! "I win!" Rabbit and his brothers laughed and laughed.And Coyote never bragged again! 25. Ready for anything!

　　Dark arrived at that Racccon's house on a bright, sunny day." Hey, Raccoon!" said Duck."Are you ready for our picnic?" Umm, well… I changed my mind. "said Raccoon. "I don't want to go." "Why not?" asked Duck . "Well I've been thinking. "said Raccoon. "What if we attacked by killer bees?" "No…, "said Duck. "Yeah ,"said Raccoon." And what if they chase us, you know, and we fall into a river?" Oh, no. "cried Duck. Oh, yeah." said Raccoon. "And what if we swim for our lives, but a terrible storm strikes. Oh, no!Oh, no!"yelled Duck." Oh, yeah!Oh,yeah!"Raccoon went on. "And what if we look for shelter in a cave, but there is already someone in there, someone really scary?" "Like …like who?" asked Duck ."A DRAGON!!!!!"shouted Raccoon. "AAAAAaaa!" they both screamed …and they hid under a blanket. "It could happen, you know." Raccoon warned."Picnics are dangerous. " "You are right." Duck thought about it for a while."But Raccoon …what if some lovely butterflies pass by instead of bees?" "Hmm,that would be nice." said Raccoon." Yes."said Duck."And what if we follow the butterflies to the river and jump in for a cool splash?" "That would be even nicer ."Raccoon answered. "Yes ,much nicer ."Duck said. "And what if the weather is beautiful, with just a gentle breeze blowing? We could fly a kite !" Gee,that sounds like fun!" Raccoon admitted. "A lot of fun!"Duck said. "And then ,we might find a cave to explore." " Don't go in!" Raccoon shouted. "There is a fire-breathing dragon in there! Remember? " "Maybe. "said Duck. "But what if it's just a cute little dragon who wants to play with us?" "You think? "said Raccoon. "Sure. "said Duck. "And what if we have the best picnic ever roasting marshmallows? " "Wow !" said Raccoon."Your. what- ifs are wonderful, Duck. " "What are we waiting for? "Raccoon cried, "let's go on a picnic!" "That's the spirit, Raccoon!"Duck cheered, " Just give me a few minutes to get ready. "said Raccoon. So Duck waited… And waited… And waited some more… Until finally Raccoon announced." OK, Duck. I'm ready to go.!"Oh, Raccoon ."Duck fell over laughing. "You worry too much.But I guess you are ready for anything. huh?" At last, the two friends left for their picnic. "Thanks ,Duck. "said Raccoon."This is much more fun than hiding under a blanket." "No problem." Said Duck ."Trust me, nothing could go wrong on a little picnic." But when they got there ,Duck gasped!" Oh, no!" Duck moaned. "I forgot the picnic basket !" Duck wanted to cry. But Raccoon stayed calm. "No problem ."Raccoon opening his backpack. "like you said…I'm ready for anything!"

　　26."Puppy Dog Eyes" May Have Evolved Just to Make Humans Melt - And It's Working狗的"无辜眼神"可能是为了萌化人类才进化出来的，显然这招很奏效

　　You know how when your dog wants something, she makes that face? You know the one - all beseeching, with eyes that seem to positively quiver with longing? You'd give her anything, right?你知道你的狗狗想要某个东西时是故意做出那种表情的吗？你知道那种闪耀着渴望的乞求的眼神吗？她要什么你都愿意给，对吧？

　　It turns out that our response to canine looks of longing or love may be the very reason dogs can make them.研究发现我们对犬类这种渴求或爱的眼神的回应可能导致狗狗有那种眼神。

　　New research has found that the facial muscles involved in making these expressions can only be found in dogs, not wolves - suggesting our furry best friends evolved the ability specifically to communicate with humans.新的研究发现做这种表情牵动的面部肌肉只有狗狗有，狼就没有，这就表明我们的毛茸茸的好朋友专门为了跟人类沟通而进化出了这种能力。

　　"The findings suggest that expressive eyebrows in dogs may be a result of human unconscious preferences that influenced selection during domestication," said behavioural psychologist Juliane Kaminski of the University of Portsmouth.朴茨茅斯大学的行为心理学家Juliane Kaminski说："研究结果表明人类驯化狗狗时无意识的选择偏好导致狗狗有了富有表情的眉毛。" "When dogs make the movement, it seems to elicit a strong desire in humans to look after them. This would give dogs that move their eyebrows more, a selection advantage over others and reinforce the 'puppy dog eyes' trait for future generations." "狗狗做出这种表情时会激起人类强烈的照顾它们的欲望，这就促使狗狗更多地抖动眉毛，这也成为了一种选择优势，使这种‘撒娇眼神'成为了遗传给后代的特征。"

　　Previously, Kaminski and her team have demonstrated that dogs do actually make facial expressions as a means of communicating with humans, by studying their behaviour when a human was facing towards them, compared to facing away.此前Kaminski和她的团队证实了狗狗的确会把面部表情作为和人类沟通的一工具，他们研究了人面向狗狗和面向别处时狗狗的行为。

　　The team found that dogs used facial expressions far more when the human was looking at them.这个团队发现人看着狗狗时它们的面部表情更多。 27.A little encouragement goes a long way.

　　A week ago I started running again for the first time in over a year.一周之前，我又开始长跑了，这是我罢跑一年多以后第一次跑步。 I've been pushing myself hard every single day.

　　这段时间以来，我每天都对自己非常苛刻Today I was running on a trail, and I passed a guy.我正在一条小路上跑步，偶然经过一个男人身边。 He made eye contact and gave me a thumbs up.

　　他和我对视了一样，还对我竖起了大拇指。 I was running back, and I passed him again.

　　我往回跑的时候，又遇到了他。

　　This time he said "keep it up buddy."

　　这次，他对我说，"加油，伙计！"

　　I don't know why, but that was like rocket fuel.我不知道为什么，只觉得自己像是打了鸡血一般。 I was almost blown up,我感到自己身体里元气满满，简直快要爆了but that got me going and I finished strong.但这也支持着我继续跑下去，最后出色的完成了跑步的路程。

　　I saw him again on my last lap.

　　我跑最后一圈的时候，又看到了他。 He asked me about my goal for the day,他问我这一天的目标是什么and we talked for a second.我们还一起走了一会儿

　　He gave me some encouraging words

　　他对我说了一些鼓励的话

　　and we moved on.

　　我们就各走各的路了。

　　It was a simple thing,这只是一件小事

　　but it made me push harder when I was ready to give in.但是当我想要放弃的时候，它告诉我要再推自己一把。

　　Point is, if you see someone out there working hard,我想说的是，如果你看到某人也正在拼搏

　　a little encouragement goes a long way.

　　一句小小的鼓励一定会让他受益良久

　　Try it out.

　　去试试吧！

　　28. live one day at a time.

　　I have the bad habit of skipping to the last pages of a book to see how it ends while I am still in the middle of it. This habit annoyed first my Mom, then my friends, and finally even my own daughter.我有一个换习惯就是看书看到一半，就翻到最后看结局。我的母亲、我的朋友以及连我的女儿都很不喜欢我这样。

　　Often my impatience wouldn't be confined just to the books I read but also to what they were reading as well. Finally one day my daughter told me in exasperation, "Dad please just read a book one page at a time like everyone else!"我是个急性子，不光我自己读书这样，我还管着别人读书。最后我的女儿爆发了，"爸爸，你能不能像人家读书一样，每次就读一页！" At times I haven't limited this bad habit to just books either. I have also tried to skip ahead in my own life and figure out what to do months and even years from now instead of embracing each day as God intended.我的急性子不止在读书这个方面。在生活中我也时不时的会这样。想要知道未来几个月甚至几年要做什么，而不是像上天推崇的那样享受当下。

　　I knew that the book of my life wasn't done yet and that I had many pages left to go. Still, that didn't stop me from trying to write the ending half-way through.我知道自己人生的这本书没有结束，还有很多页没有读。然而，我还会臆想结局。

　　Time and again, I would foolishly jump ahead and try to solve every conceivable problem before it happened so I could reach that storybook happily ever after ending.有时我总是愚蠢地想象着书中的结局，杞人忧天般的考虑着还没发生的问题，我总是能很高兴的自动带入书中情节，不管书中结局怎样。

　　Life, however, doesn't work like that. God loves to surprise us, and you never know what new problem, change, or opportunity each new day will bring.

　　然而生活不是这样。上天喜欢给我们惊喜。每一天你都不会知道自己会遇上什么问题，改变或者机会。

　　Recently when I found myself returning to that bad habit of rushing ahead and living in the future again, I found His truth coming from the lips of a special soul who gently told me I needed to "live one day at a time."最近我发现这个心浮气躁、活在未来的坏习惯又开始作祟。这时我隐隐的感觉到有个神秘的灵魂对我悄声说着"活在当下"。

　　When I heard those words I smiled, turned the book of my life back to the right page, and thanked God for today.当我听到这些话，我会心地笑了。感谢上天让我领悟到如何将人生之书翻到正确的页码。

　　There is no skipping ahead in the book of life. Each of us has to live it one page and one day at a time. Each of us has to have faith in God to help us to write it line by line and moment by moment. Each of us has to trust that our Heavenly Father will bring our story to its perfect end.人生不可能像看书跳过开头就到看到结尾一样。人生一天一天度过，书也要一页一页读。我们要深信上天会帮我们书写人生，一行又一行，记录我们的一刻又一刻。最终我们会在上天的引导之下将人生画上完美的句号。

　　29.The Value of Time时间的价值

　　To realize the value of one year：Ask a student who has failed a final exam.要想知道一年的价值，那就去问期末考试不及格的学生。

　　To realize the value of one month：Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.要想知道一个月的价值，那就去问生了早产儿的母亲。

　　To realize the value of one week：Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.要想知道一周的价值，那就去问周报的编辑。

　　To realize the value of one hour：Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.要想知道一小时的价值，那就去问等待见面的恋人。

　　To realize the value of one minute：Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.要想知道一分钟的价值，那就去问误了火车、汽车或者飞机的人。

　　To realize the value of one second：Ask a person who has survived an accident.要想知道一秒钟的价值，那就去问大难不死的人。

　　To realize the value of one millisecond：Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.要想知道一毫秒的价值，那就去问奥运会获得银牌的人。

　　Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

　　时间不等人，你拥有的每一刻都要珍惜。

　　30.The Father and his sons

　　Father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion；and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces. They each tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it。

　　He next unclosed the faggot, and took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into their hands, on which they broke them easily. He then addressed them in these words："My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies；but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks。"父亲和儿子

　　一位父亲有几个孩子，这些孩子时常发生口角。他丝毫没有办法来劝阻他们，只好让他们看看不合群所带来害处的例子。为了达到这个目的，有一天他叫他们替他拿一捆细柴来。当他们把柴带来时，他便先后地将那捆柴放在每一个孩子的手中，吩咐他们弄断这捆柴。他们一个个尽力去试，总是不能成功。

　　然后他解开那捆柴，一根根地放在他们手里，如此一来，他们便毫不费力地折断了。于是他就告诉他们说："孩子们！如果你们大家团结一致，互相帮助，你们就像这捆柴一样，不能被你们的敌人折断；但如果你们自行分裂，你们就将和这些散柴一般，不堪一折了。

　　31.Live Your Own Life

　　People always feel unsatisfied with themselves, because no matter what they do, they will be picky by others. If a girl wears a waistcoat, then some people will tell her that she is not suitable to wear such style because she is fat, then the girl changes her dressing style. When wearing a tight T-shit, still others will picky about her. The girl realizes that no matter what kind of clothes she wears, there always some people are picky about her, so she gives up to cater to them and dress for herself. Life is like this, we can't make everyone be satisfied, even our parents, but we can make ourselves happy. So just ignore what others have asked us to be, we live for ourselves and make our own decision. Don't feel sad when others question about you, just follow your heart.过自己的生活

　　人们总是不满意自己，因为无论他们做什么都会被人挑剔。如果一个女孩穿着一件背心，就会有人会告诉她，她不适合穿这种风格，因为她太胖了，然后那个女孩改变她的穿衣风格，穿着紧身T恤，有些人还是会挑剔她。女孩意识到不管她穿什么样的衣服，总是会有人挑剔她的，所以她放弃了迎合他们，随心所欲的穿衣服。生活就是如此，我们做不到让每个人都满意，即使是父母也一样，但我们可以让自己开心。所以忽略别人对我们的要求，我们为自己而活，做自己的决定。当别人质疑你的时候不要感到悲伤，跟随自己的心就好。

　　32.The Man and the Opportunity

　　人与机会

　　The lack of opportunity is ever the excuse of a weak, vacillating mind. Opportunities! Every life is full of them.

　　意志脆弱优柔寡断的人，总是以缺乏机会作为借口。机会！在每个人的生活当中，无处不在！

　　Every lesson in school or college is an opportunity. Every examination is a chance in life. Every business transaction is an opportunity - an opportunity to be polite, an opportunity to be manly, an opportunity to be honest, an opportunity to make friends. Every proof of confidence in you is a great opportunity. Every responsibility thrust upon your strength and your honor is priceless. Existence is the privilege of effort, and when that privilege is met like a man, opportunities to succeed along the line of your aptitude will come faster than you can use them.

　　学校里的每一节课都是一次机会。每一场考试都是人生的契机。每一次商务往来都是一次机会--一次礼貌待人的机会，一次果敢行事的机会，一次诚实守信的机会，一次广交朋友的机会。每一份对你的信任，对你都是一次莫大的机会。基于你的才干和声望而寄予你的每一份责任,都是无价的。生存是奋斗赋予的特权，而当你如男子汉一般邂逅那份殊荣时，一个个发挥你聪明才智、助你获取成功的机会便会接踵而至，令你应接不暇。

　　Young men and women, why do you stand here all the day idle? Was the land all occupied before you were born? Has the earth ceased to yield its increase? Are the seats all taken? The positions all filled? The chances all gone? Are the resources of your country fully developed? Are the secrets of nature all mastered? Is there no way in which you can utilize these passing moments to improve yourself or benefit another? Don't wait for your opportunity. Make it, make it as Napoleon made his in a hundred "impossible" situations. Make it, as all leaders of men, in war and in peace, have made their chances of success. Make it, as every man must, who would accomplish anything worth the effort. Golden opportunities are nothing to laziness, but industry makes the commonest chances golden.

　　年轻人啊，为何你们整日裹足不前而虚掷光阴？难道在你们出生之前，每一寸土地都已被他人所占据？难道地球已不再繁衍生息？难道所有的席位都已另有归属？所有的职位都已人满为患？所有的机会都一去不返？难道你国内的资源都已开发殆尽？难道大自然的奥秘都已了如指掌？难道你无法抓住这些转瞬即逝的时机来改善自我或者造福他人？切莫株守机会。去创造它，正如拿破仑在无数次绝境中创造自己逢生的机会一样。去创造它，正如战争或者和平年代的领袖们创造他们取得胜利的机会那样。去创造它，人人必须如此，任何人都能获得应有的回报。对于懒惰来讲，天赐良机也会化为乌有；对于勤奋而言，即使是微不足道的机会，也会变得金光闪闪！

　　33.The Fisherman And the Goldfish

　　Once, there was a fisherman. He had an ugly wife. They were poor.

　　One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish. But the goldfish could talk, "Please let me go! I'll reward you." "OK, my God?" cried the fisherman, "Don't worry. I have no wish to eat a talking fish." So he puts it into the water. The fisherman went home and told his wife about it. She became very angry. "How foolish you are!" she said, "Look at the hut. Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage." So the fisherman went down to the beach.

　　"What's the matter?" asked the fish.

　　"My wife wants to cottage." said the fisherman.

　　"Don't worry, she will have it."

　　So the fisherman's wife had her cottage.

　　But after a few days, she became tired of it. "Tell the fish to give me a palace." she said. Then the fisherman went back to the beach again. And the fisherman's wife had her palace.But she soon got tried of it, too. "Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen." This time, the fish got angry. It said nothing and swam away.

　　The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn't come back. When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.

　　渔夫和金鱼

　　从前，有一位渔夫，他又一个很丑的妻子。他们家里很穷。

　　一天，渔夫捕到一条金鱼。但这条金鱼会说话："请放我走吧！我会报答你的"

　　"啊，我的天啊！"渔夫吃惊地叫道，"别担心，我不会吃一条会说话的鱼的。"于是他把金鱼放进了水里。

　　渔夫回家并把这件事告诉了他的妻子。妻子非常愤怒。

　　"你多愚蠢啊！"她说："看看这个破草屋，到海边去，向金鱼要一间小木屋。"于是渔夫来到海边。

　　"怎么啦？"金鱼问。

　　"我的妻子想要一件小木屋。"渔夫说。

　　"别担心，她会有的。"

　　渔夫的妻子得到了一间小木屋。

　　但过了几天，她对此感到厌倦了："告诉金鱼，让它给我一座宫殿。"渔夫又返回海边。他的妻子得到了一座宫殿。

　　但她很快又对此感到厌倦："去叫金鱼做我的仆人，我想当女王。"这次，金鱼变得愤怒了，它一句话也没说就游走了。

　　渔夫等呀等，但金鱼没有回来。当他回家时，他看见他妻子又回到了茅屋。

　　34.The Fox and the Crow

　　One day a crow stood on a branch near his nest and felt very happy with the meat in his mouth. At that time, a fox saw the crow with the meat, so he swallowed and eagerly thought of a plan to get the meat. However, whatever the fox said to the crow, the crow just kept silent. Until the fox thought highly of the crow's beautiful voice, the crow felt flattered and opened his mouth to sing. As soon as the meat fell down to the ground, the fox took the meat and went into his hole.

　　狐狸和乌鸦

　　有一天,一只乌鸦站在窝旁的树枝上嘴里叼着一片肉，心里非常高兴。这时候，一只狐狸看见了乌鸦，馋得直流口水，非常想得到那片肉。但是，无论狐狸说什么，乌鸦就是不理睬狐狸。最后，狐狸赞美乌鸦的嗓音最优美，并要求乌鸦唱几句让他欣赏欣赏。乌鸦听了狐狸赞美的话，得意极了，就唱起歌来。没想到，肉一掉下来，狐狸就叼起肉，钻回了洞。

幽默小故事11

　　40多岁的刘星雨这些年一直靠打工维生。可他近来摇身一变，成了一位算命先生。用他的话说，人应当要按自己的意愿而活，做自己喜欢的事。

　　说来这事还是有原因的。这多年的打工生涯，刘星雨早已厌倦是一方面；更主要的，他对算命还有特别的爱好。每当看到街头那些算命的他就特别羡慕。这不，他在打工时，就爱买这一类的书籍看，可以说是潜心研究，早有准备。现在的刘星雨身穿道士服，留着长须，摊位前放着不少《周易八卦》之类的书。看起来，他是一副深藏不露的样子，加之他察言观色善忽悠，虽说是初上道，生意还不错。都说三百六十行行行出状元，刘星雨甭提有多得意了。他甚至幻想将来要在这方面成为大师级的人物。

　　这一来，十里八乡的人都觉得刘星雨有两下子，于是就称他“刘高人”。遇到婚丧嫁娶、盖房一类的人生大事，自然都少不了要请他这位高人去挑挑日子，看看风水。这天，林村极迷信的刘阿六就找到刘星雨，说他家老宅院有一处围墙年久失修，摇摇欲坠，他准备拆掉重建，请刘星雨挑个好日子，他就动工，以图个吉利。刘星雨点头应好，当即就问了刘阿六的生辰八字，然后就跟着刘阿六去了。在一番盛情款待下，刘星雨酒足饭饱之后，就拿着一个罗盘，另加一把铁锹，来到了那面围墙前。只见他给那罗盘定位后，就拿着铁锹在那围墙的根基下面铲土，还把那铲出的土拿到眼前细瞧。一边的刘阿六看得是心惊肉跳，真怕那面围墙随时倒塌。铲了几处之后，刘星雨站起身，拍了拍手上的土就掰开手指掐算。一会儿，他面色凝重地说：“看这土色，这地质确是不错。再说今天也确是个好日子，但与你的`生辰八字相冲。切记！今天切不可动工，否则必有血光之灾！最好是明天。”一听这话，刘阿六连声道谢，转身就往一边走。忽然一阵大风刮来，只听“轰”的一声，那面危墙就倒塌了。“啊！大事不好！出人命了！”刘阿六惊叫着。

　　再一看，劉星雨果真给砸在了里面。不用说，就是刚才那阵大风刮倒了这危墙，当时在危墙边的刘星雨躲闪不及就被砸中了。万幸的是，刘星雨那时正站在一棚架跟前，危墙倒后，他和棚架一起被砸在了里面。棚架起了支撑作用，刘星雨身上并没受多大伤。此刻的他一边呻吟，一边喊救命！

　　很快就有村民惊叫着赶了过来。见此情形，有人找来锄头铁锹就要破土救人。户主刘阿六猛然想起什么，一下子蹿过去给他们拦住了，很是为难地说：“刘高人真是算得太准了，他说今天动工必有血光之灾，结果是真的应验了。要是我们现在贸然去救他，再出意外咋办？”不过眼睁睁地看着刘高人受罪，也是于心不忍。大伙说：“现在咋办呀？”听这一说，大伙也有点不知所措了。

　　困在乱砖里边的刘星雨一听，赶紧大叫起来：“你们还愣着干吗，赶紧救我呀！我的脚疼得受不了了！”刘阿六也扯着嗓子痛心地叫：“不是不想救你，大伙们害怕再出意外呀！”刘星雨这时啥也不顾了，叫道：“我说的那些话都是骗人的！你们可千万别相信，快救我呀！”刘阿六也跟着叫：“你现在的话那才叫骗人。你的确是算得太准了，要不我这围墙经过十多载的风风雨雨都没事，怎么偏偏就在今天这节骨眼上倒了呢？你说的，今天动工必有血光之灾！只是你疏忽了你自己，你不该事先用那铁铲去动它。我看这样吧！报警请消防队的人开机器过来救你。”刘星雨听了更觉疼痛难忍，他又一次发出了大叫：“你知道我为什么要铲那围墙根基下面的土，还有我为什么叫你明天动工？实际上这是我的一个布局，我准备今晚过来就用力推倒它，以此来提高自己的知名度。看来是我心术不正，谎言说多了，这是应得的报应啊！”说着刘星雨哭了。见此情形，刘阿六这才跟大伙赶紧七手八脚救人。

　　不用说，这事传出去之后，自然再也没有人相信刘星雨了。而刘星雨自从出了这事后，就把那些算命的行当一把火烧了，背着一个大行李包外出打工去了。

幽默小故事12

　　Be Careful What You Wish For

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays,

　　which fell on the same day.

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a

　　loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She

　　had the tickets in her hand.

　　Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well,

　　I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　慎重许愿

　　一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

　　庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的'恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

　　妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

　　接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

　　仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

幽默小故事13

　　7年前他为了出国抛弃了未婚妻，现在事业有成，他开始愧疚，听说她过的不好，他想去弥补。他去到了她的`鱼摊，她在刮鳞边上蹲着一个男娃，模样有几分像他，他心里一震。她突然停下，指着隔壁摊的男人：你咋还不给孩子做饭呢!他松了口气，转身走了。

　　她递根烟给隔壁摊男人：刚才不好意思

　　【 不愿意做你的累赘 不愿意让你带着愧疚过一身 】

幽默小故事14

　　李局长患上了肝癌，单位里没一个人来探望他，他一个人躺在病床上，想：要是单位里有个人来看我多好啊！

　　没想到，他这么一想，还真有人来看了。谁？来的是局里的财务科长周守常和他老婆，李局长感动得直流眼泪，说：“你来看我干什么？小心别人说你和我走得太近，影响了你的前程。”

　　周守常还没说话，他老婆已经在旁边说上了：“怕什么？你是我们的恩人。我们来看恩人，应该的！”

　　这话没错，周守常是李局长一手提拔起来的，不过李局长一手提拔的`干部很多，甚至还有升到副局长的，但来看他的只有周守常，所以，李局长还是非常感动。

　　李局长更没想到，周守常的老婆说着说着竟然抹开了眼泪：“局长，看你平时身体健健康康的，怎么突然得了这个病？”

　　李局长叹道：“唉，都是平时应酬太多，又抽烟又喝酒的，把肝弄坏了！”周守常点点头，简单汇报了单位的一些情况，就起身告辞了。

　　激动得满眼泪光的李局长坚持要送客，周守常两口子却死活不让他送，李局长拗不过他们，只好看着他们出了门，然后，李局长挣扎着下了床，想再去看看这两个知恩图报的好人。

　　他走到拐角处，看到周守常两口子还在等电梯，就停了下来，接着，他听到周守常在抱怨他老婆：“不让你来你偏来，买礼物还花了钱，要是让单位的同事看到，会让他们笑死的。”

　　周守常老婆说：“你看到没？李局长刚五十出头就成这样了，这都是让抽烟喝酒给害的！看你还天天抽烟喝酒不？我今天让你来，就是让你到现场受受教育……”

幽默小故事15

　　1. 炮轰的脑袋还梳个雷劈的'逢。

　　2. 留了青山在，还是没柴烧。

　　3. 适时适度的弯曲，便于卸掉那份多余的沉重，从而求得更好的生存和发展。

　　4. 手脚可以触天地，但心要放在规矩间。

　　5. 烦恼多了别崩溃，找地发泄;钱花没了别崩溃，努力再挣;情沦陷了别崩溃，换个再谈。

　　6. 听君一席话，圣斗士念书。

　　7. 废话是人际关系的第一句!

　　8. 你有什么不开心的事?说出来让大家开心一下。

　　9. 我那么喜欢你，你喜欢我一下会死啊。

　　10. 我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。

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