七年级英语演讲稿

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　　advanced calculation

　　here's an interesting mathematical equation that someone sent me the other day:

　　pick up a calculator and consecutively enter the numbers of your birthday.

　　add 754.

　　subtract 753.

　　add 1.

　　now, divide this number by yesterday's date and add 59 to the total.

　　subtract 59.

　　add the number of fingers on your right hand.

　　subtract the number of toes on your left foot.

　　divide this by any number between one and ten.

　　is the number you came up with your age? no? dang. oh well. it didn't work for me either but if it had it would have been pretty cool, wouldn't it?

　　四：

　　revolution

　　five-years-old seems to be an age where a child will rebel against the word "no." i know my son knows what the word means because, when told "no," he will respond by saying "no." i have no idea where he gets this trait. it must be something he has picked up from school.

　　i never had that problem when i was his age. i never went against my parents wishes. well, except for that one time when i locked myself to the dining room table and my brother had to come home to release me because my mom couldn't figure out how to work the combination lock. oh yes, there was that time when i was told not to play around the house that was being built down the street but i crawled around in the attic, fell through the new sheetrock and my dad had to pay for it. and there was the incident when i painted my name with nail polish on the brick fireplace hearth after explicitly being told not to touch the fingernail polish. once, i was told not to play with matches and burned my thumb moments afterwards. then there was the time when i was told not to swim too far out into the ocean but i did anyway. my dad almost drowned while saving my life.

　　so you see, i was a good kid. where does my kid get it from?

　　corsage

　　my mother in-law once owned and operated a very successful catering business. after retiring, she still organizes the occasional event for church and civic groups. her service is the kind of thing that is done so well that people don't even realize all that she has done. many times her efforts go without thanks.

　　she recently coordinated a major event at her church where close to three hundred people were slated to attend. it was a formal event and she mentioned to her husband that most of the women would probably be wearing corsages.

　　not wanting his wife to be left out, he asked in his most subtle manor, "what kind of corsage would most women wear to something like this?"

　　"oh, you know," she said. "the kind that you wear on your wrist."

　　her husband asked, "i wonder what would be the right color for such an event?"

　　she replied, "i want white."

　　五：

　　blackboard

　　a friend of mine used to operate a government laboratory and needed to have a blackboard installed. he called the maintenance department, located at a different facility, to come out and hang the blackboard. the maintenance folks said they'd be out in a few days to take on the task.

　　several days later, three maintenance workers arrived at the laboratory. the looked at the blackboard and then at the wall where it was slated to go. they gave my friend an estimate for doing the job and then left. the blackboard was still not on the wall.

　　my friend's father had been in charge of the maintenance department several years previous so my friend called him. "dad," he said, "can you tell me why it takes three government workers to come out to my lab just to give me an estimate for hanging a blackboard."

　　"the answer is easy, son."

　　"what is it?"

　　"they couldn't get four guys in the front seat of the pickup truck."

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